Saturday, April 29, 2006

Language and The Written Word

First of all, this blog is really more of a convenient way for me to keep a journal on my computer which I wanted to do anyway. And it's really working.
So over Shabbos I was talking with someone about the power of the written word and language...which is one of the more overwhelming conversations that one can have when one thinks about it for too long. R' Moshe, in his intro. to his shutim quotes the Gemara about when the Torah was given over to earth and people, how the letters themselves now possess the authority. His point is that his answers are only his understanding of the halakha but if anyone wants to disagree with him they are open to. Which is just testimony to the honesty and genuine-ness of R' Moshe. But in general it raises an important idea about the nature of the written word. Ideas are expressed into language, articulated through words. Each person interprets another's words through ones own filter of experience and thought and derives a unique meaning. How much more is this true of the written word that remains present for one to ponder and look at for longer.
Oftentimes I am around people that are...how shall I say, not literature people. The types that cast away literature as a meaningful endeavor the first time they hear their high school English teacher derive something meaningful form the text, using his/her literary intuition. "where does it say that?! as if the author actually intended any of that. you think he sat there thinking about every word?" they scoff mockingly. Lacking the understanding and imagination of the literary mind, they cast the whole field into the garbage can on their way out of the classroom. The answer to their objection is two fold: firstly, obviously authors are not mindless blobs that spend their time orchestrating words on paper to fill up their meaningless lives with. Anyone semi-familiar with writing understands what it is all about. What's embarrassing is that people continue to think this way into their adult years, never questioning their premise, stating their position pompously. But this is a moot point and I won't even exert energy discussing it further. But on another level, authors do not necessarily intend every idea that every person will ever derive from their work. And it doesn't really matter. As the writers of the screenplay for Brokeback Mountain said, once they put the film out for the world to see, it goes from being their baby, their work, to the world's property, free to be understood and treated however. Intellectual property although possesses an author, is in a certain sense ownerless and open for interpretation.
I was made most aware of this point last semester in a Creative Writing class. I was workshopping my short story and a friend of mine commented on it and brought out a point that I had never intended, but nevertheless was legitimate and added layers to the story of richness and depth. The bottom line is that the way we express ideas in language, our linguistic associations, how we phrase or describe something and how we arrange certain objects next to others, says something about our psyche and worldview. And we cannot help but say more than we are conscious of saying. The words themselves have the authority and they when written, become a sort of tangible but almost playdough like object that can be understood legitimately in many ways.
So it doesn't matter what the author intended. And even if it did, it isn't possible to ever understand an idea the exact same way as someone intends it since our understanding of one's words is based on our own associations, experience, psyche and intellect.
What this means in terms of Torah, the written word of G-d, is huge. It means that even if there is such a thing as one pristine and ideal conceptual "Torah", G-d's ideas, truth itself, 1) we could not actually get to it in its original form because we are not G-d, and 2) it doesn't really matter what the original intention was because the text itself has power, and our understanding of it matters and is legitimate, as long as it is logical and makes sense. What is interesting to ponder in this literary context is the other gemaras that talk about that every possible interpretation was given over to Moshe...
What this means in terms of literature, the written word of man, is that we can never fully get inside of another person, we are forced to interpret ideas through ourselves. And the text is authoritative. What we can glean from it is infinite.
We are a world of people constantly trying to understand eachother and failing at it. Lack of communication and miscommunication is the source of so many problems. There is a scene in Kafka's The Castle where he describes K's encounter with Frieda like two animals clawing at each other, trying but unable to get in. This depiction describes the experience and frustration of humanity in general. We try and we try but we can't fully escape ourselves, we can't fully enter someone else. If we could only internalize this and realize our limited understanding and ability, we would learn to view all people around us as equals, to care and empathize with them. We would realize that we are all in the same suffocating situation and would with humility and self-understanding, release ourselves from the shackles of our inhibitions and with care and concern reach out to the individual.

Friday, April 28, 2006

some poetry

some poetry-why not.
ive changed the spacing on this a bazillion times and now i can't think about it anymore so im just leaving it as is.

Battle-scars

Clad for battle
she charged upon the luring night
adorned with weapons
determined to serve her victoriously.
A blade of boldness,
a dagger of desperation,
a rapier of resolve,
all so finely sharpened they
frightened even her.

And coerced by a will more powerful than
she, now decked with tools of a corrupted
craving, she began to descend,

one gym shoe at a time
the seemingly infinite
stacks of stairs leading
to the intended and
illustrious court
below.

Now compelled by a rushing
sense of insurgency
she thrust herself urgently
upon the game, attacking it
intensely, seeking
to conquer
its provoking jest, evoking
all the stamina she could
to prove to the eager spectators
simply that she would.

But caught up intensely
rushing and urging
the dexterous gym shoe clumsily
clashed with the shiny waxed floor;
the clickity-snap sound of her ankle echoed
accusingly against the vastness of the arena.
The confident limb cowardly collapsed
beneath the shattered façade of
her stalwart body, and
the majestic bounce of the big
black striped ball of orange
sheepishly faded into a rapid
and repetitive pitter-pattery tap
surrendering finally to
a morosely meek and silent roll
way off, escaping

all possibility of indictment.
Aching,
burning, swelling, wincing from
pain, the performance was
halted, as she fell
defeated.

And as she sits
age seventy-three,
the crowd evaded long ago,

plagued,
by the poignant
linger of the incessant and
incriminating aching and swelling that
devotedly pursues the culprit, trailing
behind quietly with suspicion, the
vehement warrior sits
rebuked, for needing to
prove so essentially that
she was legitimate.

And all through her life it has

served her well, the ever revisiting swell
and ache, to help contract her
pressing urge, and to
remind her to
just be.

blogging the real

So the truth is, when blogs first came out I thought they were ridiculous. It was tough competition between facebook and blogs for the first place prize of "pathetic". But as time has gone by, blogs have quickly become one of the signature marks and forms of communication of our era. Although it seems to me that all respectable human beings should be able to derive solace and companionship from real-life relationships in the real world, instead of searching over the vast, mysterious and artificial cyberspace, blogs do provide unlimited contact with the world in a very unique sort of way. Additionally, blogs have developed into much more than a social crutch and have become real forms of academic dialogue. They provide a network of people so large and diverse which opens the doors of intellectual discussion to far more than official members of the revered "Academy" (although not excluding them either). Which is something that I am a big fan of. Ideas on blogs are much more of the honest, unique and personal thoughts of real people, freed from the shackles of formal academia. You no longer have to attend university x to be engaged in the same endeavor. The little people have become more intelligent. And for those of us actually involved in formal academia, it provides a place to probe much farther and deeper into the essence of everything than our prof.'s are interested in, their inquisitive souls having been marred long ago by the pompous goals of the formal world; it provides a forum for expressing the urgent urges of the concerned soul who experiences life desperately.
So I have concluded at this point that there is worth in this activity called blogging

Thursday, April 27, 2006

"He did his best at a venture."

"He did his best at a venture."
Henry James, The Madonna of the Future

Human Becomings-I know, I know, in a word: trite.
But I couldn't quite figure out how to refer to myself. I could have just tried to sound perhaps even more clever with homo sapien and been satisfied with it....because it sounds scientific and is much more neutral than big, significant terms such as "human being" or "human becoming". But it's precisely the biotic nature of the term that deterred me from employing it. And although the cute term "human becoming" may seem trite and sappy to some, and although I would have to agree with them, I kind of believe in it at the same time as not believing in it.
What is the self? Are we becomings or beings? Are we complex indefinable creatures, dynamic and constantly creative, never at rest, "always to be blessed", but never experiencing self understanding and actualization at any single point in one's personal historical evolution? Or indeed is there meaning to the momentary, fleeting self experience, with all its finitude and grandeur? Is the me of here and now genuine, impacting, significant, real.
And the truth is we are both beings and becomings, and either term alone would seem trite as well as incomplete. And any sceintific term would not capture the essence of this tension, of this lack of order and objectivity. We are creatures of experience, of many layers that are made up of more than just cells (although we are those as well :) ).
So I guess that is the point of this dialogue. A discussion of the tensions, complexities and pleasures of being human. A mixed expression of both the spontaneous and the pensive, of the settled and the unsettled self, of questions and clarity, of small points and monumental ideas, of negation and redemption, of ourselves as probing, seeking, thinking individuals, and lazy, hellinistic, selfish beings, and of course, just as ourselves.
The worth and futility of life co-exist as a dual reality. Most importantly and perhaps most significantly, we must aim as members of the human race to do our own best at a venture.